The Absurdity of Air Travel

And other irrational regulations

I’m currently sitting in the Dallas airport after my flight has been delayed like 5 times times.

Every time I fly, I’m amused, enraged, and befuddled by the insane theater the federal government requires of us to go through in order to get on an airplane. It wastes money, emotional energy, and is maybe the best example of a time tax known to man.

We all go through with it because we all want to avoid another tragedy like 9/11. But there’s little to no evidence that TSA agents would stop the next real threat. And every time someone does try something new, another dumb rule is implemented that doesn’t serve to actually stop potential terrorists, it just wastes money or time or - more likely - both.

How many times have you accidentally brought sunscreen or a drink or a tube of toothpaste in your carry-on that you’ve had to throw out or quickly chug like an idiot¹. How early do you arrive at the airport? How many times have you arrived at the airport at a reasonable time and yet barely made your flight because you were held up at TSA? I know some people who arrive over two hours before domestic flights, just in case.

Those are real costs. Real costs that we just write off. Because it’s a small sacrifice in order to make us safer. But as I said above, it likely doesn’t make us safer and those small sacrifices really add up to billions of dollars. Billions of dollars in lost possessions and billions of dollars in lost productivity. Not to mention the many upstanding TSA agents who are more than qualified to be working at 7/11 or McDonalds (That was mean!²) and are wasting their talents sitting way too close to an x-ray machine. I believe Seinfeld has a whole bit about this, but I’m too tired to look for a link.

This is just one example of the stupidity we encounter in politics. See the FAA’s airplane mask mandate that they just extended again. Numerous studies have shown that cloth masks aren’t completely useless, but are pretty close to useless when it comes to stopping the spread of Covid-19. And looking around the airport right now - well most people aren’t even wearing their masks - but of those who are, I see zero N95s (probably seen 3 today) and the vast majority are wearing cloth masks. There was an elderly woman wearing a surgical mask, but she just took it off. I guess she wants to breath without feeling the moisture of her hard candy flavored, old person breath on her face. And assuming she’s triple vaxxed, her risk of death and even illness is exceedingly low. Honestly, even if she’s not triple vaxxed, her risk of death is really low, especially with case numbers where they are. Numerous other studies have also shown that most spread occurs in homes with close friends and family. Numerous other studies have shown that making people mask while spread and infection and death is extremely low is very stupid policy. It’s even stupider when a vaccine has been widely available for *checks watch* over a year!

And just to prove that I think about things other than air travel and to make you wonder if I’m not as right-leaning as you think. Proposed gun safety legislation (Do I believe in the Second Amendment? Who knows!). It’s focused on assault rifles because mass shootings most often happen with assault rifles. And do not get me wrong, mass shootings are scary and tragic. Reality, though, shows that assault rifles kill a tiny minority of people killed by guns. If Beto really cared about stopping deaths, he wouldn’t say “Hell yes, we’re going to take your AR-15!” he’d scream “Hell yes, we’re going take your handgun!”

But nobody actually believes in science (whatever that means). They believe in appearing to believe in science to score political points with other people who want to appear to believe in science (I can just imagine my liberal friends raging right now). Because science says that TSA, mask mandates, and banning assault rifles are all ineffective policies. Science also says if you really want to save lives, you should be like Michelle and Mike³ and focus on getting America in shape and off of sugary drinks (I say as I sip a Cherry Coke). Because the biggest killer of Americans is our food.

Something tells me, “Hell yes, we’re going to take you pizza” wouldn’t look great on a t-shirt.

Anyway, rant over. It has been too long since I posted, so I have some pent up frustration. Sorry. Been busy with the podcast (which will be back next week!). But we’re in a rhythm now, so I should have time to do both from here on out. I’m also working on some non-political posts, but those take effort, these rants write themselves.

Also, I feel like Emily would want me to say she does not endorse any of my posts. I only say that because many of my new subscribers are here from the podcast. (Welcome, I look forward to seeing you unsubscribe now that you’ve gotten one of my political posts in your inbox) She’s more mainstream than me, and mostly just a lot less angry than me, so please don’t associate her with my views. Except the good ones. If you agree with a take, assume Emily has the same view, if you don’t she doesn’t. Does that work? Basically, I just want everyone to like Emily. I’m cool if you don’t like me. That’s probably justified.

If you are one of the many, many, many people who disagrees with my takes, stay tuned, I have a friend working on a response to my first post and hope to have many more guest contributors. Because here at Your Mom’s House, we welcome all ideas - especially if we disagree with them. And we talk about how we welcome all ideas and jokes because we need to showcase our superiority to this generation of aardvarks who are offended at the slightest hint of dissent.

Anyway, enjoy this picture of me with my super effective mask and just know that most of your life is full of stupid, meaningless theater to make you or others feel better while actually providing almost no benefit and many real costs.

1. Don’t pretend like you haven’t quickly chugged a bottle of sunscreen in the TSA line.

2. But only kind of. I genuinely love working in food service. You know what? I don’t need to justify jokes. It was mean and it was funny and if you were offended, you don’t have to read this.

3. Bonus if you know which Michelle and which Mike I’m talking about!